So, I'm at work, and I'm manning the register, which looks out onto the atrium/dining room just outside the cafeteria. Most of the cashier shift involves staring out into the atrium/dining room. Snoresville, to say the least.
A customer comes in and purchases a cup of ice for 10 cents. She's obviously ill, her walk is pained, and she is on her way to dialysis. She ambles past the cash register and into the atrium, and almost immediately passes out. She falls hard and suddenly.
If you've ever seen a legitimate pass-out, you know it's not all "I got the vapors" and then a gentle drop to the floor like a feather. It's a lot more like a tree being snapped off of it's trunk, and falling headfirst to the ground.
It is disturbing to see someone pass out, it's infinitely more disturbing when that person is frail, dying and probably has no business walking around in the first place.
However, in the course of these events, the sick woman falling face first onto a hardwood floor, and taking out 2 chairs and a table on the way down, was surprisingly the least disturbing.
The most disturbing of these events is that i stood and watched. I watched her walk like an unsteady, malnourished baby deer, I watched her knees buckle and give way, and I watched her face slam into a table edge, before coming to rest on the cold shiny floor.
And she just laid there, not moving.
And I just stood there, watching.
Several employees in the periphery ran to her aid, fanning her, checking her vitals, bringing her back to life. A security guard rushed to provide a wheelchair for her, my co-workers rushed to the dining room to mop up her spilled ice. Rush, rush, rush.
And I just stood there, less that 5 feet away, and did nothing.
I am losing my faith in humanity, and it's my own fault. I was the closest to that fallen woman. That fallen woman who is probably somebody's mother, somebody's daughter, somebody's sister. What if it was my sister. Would I just stand there like some asshole?
Fuck.
A car collided with my moped a couple of years ago, and as I lay on the ground, dizzy and hurt, I could hear the screech of tires as people pulled over to help me. Several people milled around me, trying to protect me. I handed my phone to someone I had never seen before and instructed them to call my boyfriend. And they did. My phone rang again, and I handed it to another nameless, faceless person. It was my job calling. Someone who had never met me, who didn't even know my name explained to my boss that I had just been in a serious accident.
Someone took off my helmet and stroked my hair, and told me evrything was going to be okay.
When it was finally my turn to pay it forward, I just stood there. Not frozen, not scared, just completley uninterested.
I think I even caught myself rolling my eyes.
And that is why I am probably going to hell.
Hm. It's not so bad, I think. Probably instinctively you knew that where you work there are thousands of nurses and the like on their breaks, and tons of staff ready to actually deal with things like that. Probably if you had helped, some other jerkface would have taken the opportunity to steal something from the store. Thank goodness you were able to be there, to help if asked, and to stand guard on the whole situation. One more maniac trying to "help" is rarely a bonus. People pass out on me all the time. It's fucked-up, but I almost always hand them off to somebody else. And it is annoying when people do stuff they know they can't. Like you said, she's so far gone, she probably shouldn't have been going about like that. Personal Verdict: it's cool.
ReplyDeletei think that if you recognize it in yourself, that you can overcome it. it's not easy to react when something shocking happens and some people have those instincts built in due to their jobs or lifestyle. most people don't though, and they have to be exercised when they can be. the more you do it, the quicker you will react to situations like that. i saw a car slam into a guardrail head on, it was riding a lane away and i continued to drive by as if i didn't see it. everytime i think about it, i want to kick myself. i know that if i see anything like it again, i will stop without hesitation, just to prove to myself that i am capable of it.
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