Ah, my birthday weekend. Let's talk about it.
My friends and I finally gave in to popular temptation and shelled out 20 bucks for the " Scream at the Beach" Halloween event that occupies the parking lot of the Jantzen Beach Mall every October. The theme of this years haunted house appeared to be "Attack of the Drama Kids". From every darkened corner lurked a 15 year old, screechily performing as if their lives depended on it. I screamed till I choked, for nothing is quite as frightening as a shitty teenager on full display, like an angry peacock, getting paid to punk you.
((Fun Fairs like this one are some of the most sociologically interesting examples of youth culture. Observe the native pimply teenager in it's most desired, if not natural, habitat. Relieved of parental supervision for the most part, these teenagers are volatile kegs of hormonal discord. Oh my god, am I wrong to love it so much?))
Upon exiting the haunted house, we found ourselves deposited on the theoretical doorstep of a good old fashioned carnival. Within minutes i had a face full of radioactive-green cotton candy.
I approached the ticket booth, slid my cash across the counter and through a mouthfull of cotton candy, ordered my ride tickets. The charming lady of distinction behind said counter looked at me through evil carnie slits, which I assume are the equivalent to human eyes, and picked up a big-ass pickle on a stick. She never broke eye contact with me as she took a huge sloppy bite out of that pickle.
So she's looking at me while she fights a pickle off of a popsicle stick with what's left of her teeth, and I'm looking at her while I brainlessly shove cotton candy at my mouth, with only 75% of the candy actually making it inside.
You wonder, "was that weird?" the answer is "yes, it was very fucking weird".
Later that evening, as i was simultaneously eating an elephant ear and a caramel apple, it occurred to me that all the elements of a perfect birthday were present. The fist fulls of sugar, the racing, blinking, hyper-colored lights, the creeping chill of fall in the air, my friends concerned faces as I approached what was clearly a heart attack or a minor stroke, it was the perfect birthday storm.
My tongue has been sugar swollen all weekend. It is a small price to pay.
It was a good time! The only regret I had was paying so much for such a crappy haunted house. Otherwise, it was a memorable evening with lots of laughs.
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