Controversy face

Recently, I introduced the term "rape face" to my circle of friends. Several of the ladies I know and love picked up on the term immediately. Little definition was necessary, and they were able to take the new terminology forth, and use it in their everyday lives.

The gentlemen of the lot, they were a bit more apprehensive. They wondered, did they have a rape face? Were they looking at someone with a rape face? I attempted to assuage them, reassuring them that they all had likeable, even loveable faces.

To be clear, I am not really making light of forced sex, assault with cock, etc. I am simply calling out creepy-ass dudes for having creepy-ass faces. Let's just fucking call em like we see em okay? I'm not going to accommodate some socially stunted loser when his goddamn eyeballs are hanging out of his head shooting laser beams into my nipples.

People, please, don't get me wrong, these rape faces i speak of should not be confused with "felony face", "junkie face", or even the dreaded "adulterer face". All these faces, though they definitely share attributes, are essentially different.

Lets talk about what makes a legitimate "rape face", shall we?

First, the eyes. When you look into the eyes of a friendly companion, you feel warmth, compassion, humor, all the things you may find desirable in a persona grata. The eyes of old rapey over there are bulging out of his head with a feigned interest in every tiny mono-syllable that escapes your lips. The irises are veiled thinly from hyper attention to each minor movement of your face and upper body, darting from right to left eye to mouth to neck to chest to mouth to chest to mouth to chest to mouth (repeat indefinitely, or until you slap him)

The mouth of rapey la'rue is looser than a drunk japanese businessman on payday. He will tell you any damn fool thing that pops into his head. Personal tragedies? Check. Confidential family secrets? Check. Mundane news of the day? Check. He so desires your rapt attention, that he will run his mouth non-fucking-stop until you either palm his face and walk away, or palm his face and walk away.

Every time you walk past a rape face, you will hear a familiar intake of breath. He is sniffing your hair, girl. Your best bet at this point is to whip around, face him, and holler" ARE YOU SMELLING ME?". Regretfully, this will not deter Mr. Rape-ola, but it will expose his creepy-osity to all bystanders.

Creeps exist in all strata of society. Females of the species are perfectly capable of rape face. I myself could have been considered moderately rape-y at one time or another( insert liquor bottle heeere). Again, I'm not accusing anyone of sex crimes or assault of any kind, I'm merely pointing out a certain type of creep. A creep that I simply cannot abide. I mean, seriously, do you have a goddamn piss-boner? Why are you jumping around like that?

So there, i guess that about covers it. Chances are, you probably don't have a "rape face". It's far more likely you're just ugly. (unless you're my friend, everyone knows all my friends are fucking gorgeous)